Bad Illyria
by Danno
Summary: Wesley decides he must discipline Illyria! I am back from Japan and updating again.
1. Default Chapter

This story contains spanking as a method of discipline. If this offends you, please leave now.

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Everyone at Wolfram and Hart knew Illyria has a bad attitude. She acted like they should all bow down to her and be in awe of her greatness. No one else thought Illyria was all that great anymore. Maybe she used to be but now she was just a weird creature with blue hair who was living in a borrowed body.   
  
Wesley was the only one who could really get through to Illyria. Sometimes she would listen to him even though she thought he was weak and human and not very important. Wesley wais trying to teach Illyria how to behave and get along in the world but Illyria was not a very good student.  
  
Finally Wesley was near the end of his rope and he said, "Illyria, you need discipline. You cannot act like you rule the world anymore because you don't. You are almost the same as a human now. It is time you understand how you should act."  
  
"If you call me a smurf again I will destroy you," said Illyria. "I watched the television and found out what smurfs are. You insulted me."  
  
"I'm afraid I will have to do much more than insult you to get my point across," replied Wesley. "You are very stubborn and don't want to do what is best for you. Something will have to be done about that or you are in for a rude awakening indeed."  
  
"Why do you care?" said Illyria. "You don't want me around. You want Fred. Don't try to deny it."  
  
"I don't," said Wesley. "But Fred is gone and you are all that is left of her. I must teach you how to get along and you should listen to me. It's what you are supposed to do now."  
  
"I don't have to listen to you," yelled Illyria. "You are like an ant to me, to be crushed under one powerful foot!"  
  
Wesley pulled a red plastic hairbrush out of his pocket. "Do you see this?"  
  
"It is a small and insignificant piece of plastic," said Illyria. "It is of no concern to me."  
  
"It is now," said Wesley. "Do you know what a spanking is?"  
  
tbc 


	2. Chapter 2

"Do I know what a spanking is?" Illyria repeated. "Yes. A spanking is a form of corporal punishment typically utilized by parents toward their disobedient children."  
  
"Essentially correct," said Wesley. "But the scenario is not always parent/child." He looked down at the hairbrush and then back at Illyria. "Do you want to learn more about human relations?"  
  
Illyria nodded. "I believe it is important for me."  
  
Wesley smiled. "That's good. I agree." He stepped toward Illyria with the hairbrush still in his hand.  
  
Twenty minutes later Gunn came walking down the hall.   
  
"Don't go in that room," said Harmony. She was looking at the room Wesley and Illyria were in. "Wesley warned me to stay away and I've been hearing some terrible noises from inside there. It doesn't sound good."  
  
Gunn looked at the door. "Maybe I should check this out."   
  
Harmony grabbed his arm. "Wesley said no!"  
  
Gunn wasn't sure what to do but then the door opened and Wesley came out. He was walking very stiffly.   
  
"You run into a nasty demon?" Gunn asked as he saw the pain on his friend's face.  
  
"You could say that," answered Wesley. "But I won't give up until I teach it who's boss."  
  
He limped down the hallway. Gunn and Harmony went back to work.  
  
A few minutes later the door opened again and Illyria stepped out. She was holding the red plastic hairbrush and smiling. "I hope Wesley tries to discipline me again," she said to herself. "I had a great deal of fun."  
  
tbc 


	3. Tact

Wesley waited for a number of days before he made his next attempt with Illyria because he wanted to be able to walk without a limp by the time he approached her again.

Finally he thought he was ready. He marched down the hallway of Wolfram & Hart toward Illyria. Angel was watching her. Wesley walked up to Angel and stopped beside him. Illyria was talking to an overweight receptionist who was wearing a floral print.

"Hello," Illyria said to the woman. "You are abnormally large and badly need to reduce your body weight by a minimum of 50 pounds. Also, your outfit makes you look like an ill hibiscus."

The receptionist turned red and waddled away with her lips trembling.

Angel scowled at Wesley. "Weren't you supposed to have a talk with Illyria about how to speak to people?"

"That is coming next," Wesley assured him.

"See that it does," said Angel. He went back to work while Wesley decided the best way to approach his target. When he had come up with a solution he went directly up to Illyria.

"Hello," Illyria greeted him. "You have stopped limping. You take a long time to heal."  
  
Wesley ignored her. "We have to establish which of us is in charge."

"I agree," Illyria replied.

Wesley smiled. "Good. That's very good."  
  
"I am in charge," Illyria continued.  
  
Wesley stopped smiling.

Illyria's eyes swept the corridor. "That man's facial features are extremely unappealing," she said as she looked at one person. A secretary walked past them and Illyria said clearly, "That woman does not bathe often enough."

"Illyria!" Wesley scolded. "You can't go around calling people, or demons, fat or stupid or ugly."  
  
"It is the truth," she responded.

"Have you ever heard of a concept called tact?" Wesley demanded.

Illyria looked bored.

The next day Wesley handed Illyria a book entitled "Tact: What It Is And How To Use It." He instructed her, "Read this book. It will help you learn how to better interact with others."  
  
Two days after that, Illyria approached Wesley in a corridor. "I have been reading the book you gave me and I have learned a lot. One concept I learned about is the euphemism," she announced. She pointed to the overweight receptionist and stated. "She is fat - a whale." She looked at an unattractive man. "He was hit with the ugly stick." Finally she saw Spike. "He is a freak of nature."

"Come with me, Illyria," Wesley ordered. He led her away from the people she had just insulted. He had tried hard but she would not learn and it was time to discipline her again. This time it would work the way he intended. He led Illyria into one of the private bathrooms and closed the door behind them.  
  
Illyria looked at a small white square on the sink. "What is that?" she asked.

"You want to learn more about human behavior so I'm going to show you something mothers do to their children when they say inappropriate things. Open your mouth." Wesley picked up the bar of soap and moved toward Illyria.

The following day, the main topic of gossip around the building was speculation about why Wesley had needed medical treatment to remove the full bar of Ivory soap that had been mysteriously lodged in his mouth.


End file.
